Mature Jokes

Moanin` Mike is sitting in his local bar with his buddies, sharing a beer and bragging about his sex life. Moanin` says, "I have great sex with my wife. She`s very vocal, she can really rattle the windows...

A guy is walking down the street, and he`s really horny. So he goes to the first whore house he sees. He only has five dollars, so they kick him out. The guy goes to the next one. But, since he only has five dollars...

It happened on the corner of Broadway and 47th Street. The girl leaned against the building, running her fingers through her bleached hair and smiling more than-casually at the male passers-by...

A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of the Scottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary about the way of life there.
REPORTER: Hello there, excuse me, I`m from the BBC and...

I want a man who`s handsome, smart and strong,
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who`ll call, not wait for weeks...

Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a hillbilly all want to marry the farmer`s daughter. The farmer says, "Well, y`all got to prove how bad you want her. You gotta run across that there field...

A concerned patient asked the doctor if masturbation is harmful.
"Not usually," answered the doctor. "Not unless you do it too often."
"How about three times a day?" the patient asked...

There was this woman sitting on a park bench muttering to herself and spitting. She would mutter, then spit, mutter, then spit, she would say, "Damn, that sonofabitch can drive", then spit...

Two old ladies lived way out in the country, only going into town on Sundays for church. One Sunday, there was a strange pastor, a very handsome man, in the pulpit, preaching away quite merrily...