Clean Jokes

Sometime after a man died, his widow, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been.
'He thought of everything,' she told them. 'Just before he died, he called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes. `Honey,` he told me, `I have put all my last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please...

A woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he is still a virgin. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian outback.
They end up getting married. On their wedding night...

A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend. 'You see,' he explained, 'my wife`s expecting.'
'Oh...' said the Officer, 'I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck.'
The following week the same soldier was back again with the...

One day, an immigrant from Poland entered a New York City Police Precinct to report that his American wife was planning to kill him.
The police officer on duty was intrigued by this, and he asked, 'How sure are you that she is gonna kill you? Did she threaten to kill you?'
'No,' replied the nervous immigrant.
'Did you hear her...

During one 'generation gap' quarrel with his parents, young boy cried, 'I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I`ll never find it here at home, so I`m leaving. Don`t try and stop me!'
With that, he headed toward the door. His father rose and...

There was an artist who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now.
His model showed up and, after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk, she began to undress...

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up as it sometimes does.
But then the wife suddenly stops and says 'I don`t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'
'WHAT!?' says her husband.
The wife explains that he must be in tune with her emotional needs as...

After a few days on the new Earth, the Lord called to Adam and said, 'It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth, so I want you to kiss her.'
Adam answered, 'Yes, Lord, but what is a `kiss`?' The Lord gave a brief description to Adam, who took Eve by the hand and took her to...

It was Saturday morning as Steve, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.
Steve asks her...

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles...the salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later...