Clean Jokes

A man is speeding down the freeway when he`s stopped by a police car and has to pull over.
'Do you realize you were doing 90 m.p.h. in a 60 m.p.h. zone, sir?' asks the policeman.
'That`s impossible, sir, I never break the speed limit,' replies the driver.
The driver`s wife butts in and says...

A woman had 8 children, all of them boys. So, one day a magazine sent a journalist to her house for an interview.
He asked her about the boys and what their names were; she said, 'Johnnie'.
'Right', he said, 'what about that blond...

There was an expectant father who had spent quite some time waiting for the offspring to arrive - at his in-laws place. He was absolutely positive that his wife was going to present him with a boy and wouldn`t hear of anything else.
As his leave balance had gone into the red, he told his father-in-law, 'When my son comes, do not...

There were three friends that always wanted to play golf every Saturday afternoon, but couldn`t because of their wives objections.
So one day after many years they finally got together on the golf course and were waiting at the first tee when one guy said...

An elderly man lay dying in his bed.
In death`s agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the...

A guy is speeding down a highway and he gets pulled over. The cop says, 'You were speeding.'
The guy says, 'No I wasn`t, I was just going slow.'
The guy`s wife in the Passenger seat says, 'No officer, He was speeding the whole time.'
The guy glares at his wife and says...

A man is at work one day when he notices that his coworker is wearing an earring. This man knows his coworker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in 'fashion sense.'
The man walks up to him and says, 'I didn`t know you were into earrings.'
'Don`t make such a big deal, it`s...

Father, 'When you go back to your Mom tonight, give her this envelope and tell her that since you are now 18, this is the last check she`ll ever see from me for child support. Then, stand back and watch the expression on her face.'
Daughter, 'OK'
Later that night
Daughter, 'Mom, Dad asked me...

A bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death. The leader of the discussion said, 'We will all die some day, and none of us really knows when, but if we did we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event.'
Everybody shook their heads in agreement with this comment.
Then the leader said...

A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them.
He asked if they had a license and, when they didn`t, sent them off to get one.
They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, and got the license from him. When they got back to the judge, he pointed out that...