Terrible weather
Every Saturday morning the husband goes fishing. He gets up early, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes, all day long.
So, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, makes his lunch, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck. Coming out of his garage, rain is pouring down...
Guardian angel!
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: 'Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.'
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted,...
Cat food
A woman is enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening.
'Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He's going to really be ticked if it's not ready on time.'
When she gets home, she realizes she doesn't have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the cupboard is a...
Special dog
An old man and old woman had been married for about 52 years when the old woman died.
The entire family showed up for the funeral, and every day after the funeral the old man would visit the grave with his dog and spend a few minutes out there.
The groundskeeper at the cemetary, after two months of...
The Truth!
A man`s wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine.
At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in...
Cotton balls
A Texan walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles... The salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of...
Shopping spree!
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
'Hello?'
'Honey, it`s me. Are you at the club?'
'Yes.'
'Great! I am at the mall two blocks from...
Upside down!!!
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most.
'When I die I will dig my...
Conveyance in heaven
Three guys die and go to heaven.
The first guy goes up to St. Peter, who says, 'In all the years you were married, were you ever unfaithful to your wife?'
The guy thinks a moment then says...
Wrong bitch
An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.
The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being...