Clean Jokes

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner. Dad: Son, where were you today during school hours...

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, dear...

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been.
"Sidney thought of everything...

A maid asks for a pay rise.
“Why do you deserve one?” asks the lady of the house.
“Well, there are three...

Just after I got married, I was invited out for a night with "the boys." I told my wife that I would be home by midnight! Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At around...

During the weeks before Brenda's wedding, she was terribly anxious about making mistakes at the ceremony. The minister reassured her several times, pointing out that the service...

A New York City hotel sent thank-you letters to each of twelve hundred former guests for staying in the past several months. The problem was that they chose the wrong computerized mailing list. The thank-you letter...

A lady walked into a pharmacy and told the pharmacist that she needed some cyanide.
The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explained she needed it to poison...

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, "Holy crap. That must be...

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife...