Clean Jokes

Standing at the edge of a lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran...

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when...

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your...

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 AM and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects...

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were...

Amy phones her husband at work, "Sam, do you have time for a chat?"
"Sorry, darling, this is not a good time - I'm about to go into a board meeting....

One evening a husband comes home to his apartment very roughed up.
When his wife sees him she asks, "What happened to you...

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, Get me a beer before...

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.
`The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.
His eyes fluttered open and he said...