Clean Jokes

Mike goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, he says, "I`ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed I think there is somebody under it. I get under the bed and I think there`s somebody on top of it. Top, under, under top. I`m going crazy...

The priest was preparing a man for his long day`s journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!" The dying man said nothing...

A difficult independent 75-year-old woman liked sitting by the park feeding the pigeons. One day she brought with her a whole loaf of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. Little by little, pinch by pinch...

A man gets stopped by a game warden with his basket full of fish.
Warden: Do you have a permit for all these fish?
Man: No sir. These are all my pet fish...

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem...

The son of a financier bursts into his father`s office and says, "Dad, lend me $5,000."
"What for?" his father asks.
"I`ve got a sure tip on the market...

Jane walked into a pharmacy, strolled over to the counter, and caught the pharmacist`s attention. "Can I please get some arsenic?" she asked.
"Arsenic? What do you want arsenic...

Pedro gets a New Secretary. He faces a volley of rapid fire questions from his wife, who is always a bit suspicious of her husband`s roving eye. Dora (Pedro`s wife): Does your new secretary have nice legs...

Wife: Darling, I have a question. When Hindu God`s Shiva and Parvati stand together, Shiva always has a "Thrishulam".
When Vishnu and Lakshmi stand together, Vishnu has...

Two judges were each arrested on speeding charges. When they arrived in court on the appointed day, no one was there, so instead of wasting time waiting around they decided to try each other...